you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
