How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
