Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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