32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
