his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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