So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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