wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize