I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize