i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize