my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
