it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
