Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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