I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
