I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
