we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
