I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
