Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
