apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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