Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
