you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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