If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
