Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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