nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
