Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
