She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize