I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
