3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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