We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
