I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
