nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
honey bunches of taint.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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