I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
