if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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