Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
