I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My pussy is not your playground.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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