I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
