I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
