I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
