i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
