my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
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I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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