my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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