People in love make me want to vomit
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
