I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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