My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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