You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
