Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
