Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
