i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
