Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
