Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
