I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
