i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
