Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
