He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
