can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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