The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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