I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
