clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
