I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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