Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
