I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
