Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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