Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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