I think I won the penis lottery.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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