Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
