sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
