ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
